Monday, April 17, 2006

A very merry unbirthday

I order from Birthday Express once a year. They send me promotional e-mails twice a week. How many people do they think there are in this family? It's just the three of us, and of those three, only one is likely to want to celebrate her birthday with mermaid- or pony-themed paper goods.

I have to confess I enjoyed the subject line of today's Birthday Express communication, though: "[Our Last Name] Family, Have Fun With Party Favors!" That leaves the possibilities wide open, doesn't it? I doubt we'd sit around and blow paper horns at each other, but imagine what we could do with, say, Dive Masks and Dinosaur Squirters (merciless squirting, no water in the eyes), or Eye Patches and Fairy Wings ("Arrr! I be a fairy pirate here to commandeer yer vessel!"), or Finger Shoes. (I don't know what these are, but they have a delightfully surreal air.)

That settles it. The overly aggressive marketing has worked! I don't care that the next birthday in our house isn't until November -- it's always a good time for cheap trinkets. I'm going to order from Birthday Express right now!

... Only not.

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