Me: Why do I smell a bushel of overripe onions?
Me: Well, it's not me.
G: I think it's the cat.
Me: It is not the cat. Let me smell your armpit.
Me: *sniffs* Oh dear God in heaven! Get in the shower right this minute!
G: I don't want to take a shower!
Me: You have to take a shower. I'm not taking you to Sport Chalet to buy your camping stuff smelling like that. The stink alarm is going to go off when we walk in, and we'll be swarmed with store employees who want to throw us out.
G: There's no such thing as a stink alarm.
Me: That's what you think. Use lots of soap.