Friday, July 25, 2008

I hereby revoke your license to phone

I'm sorry, you've reached the wrong number. It also was the wrong number when you called two minutes ago. And two minutes before that. And 45 seconds before that. And six minutes before that.

In fact, I hate to tell you this, dear caller, but dialing the wrong number multiple times does not magically make it become the right number. Neither does staggering the length of time between calls, nor alternating between hanging up as soon as I answer and asking if you can speak to "Joe."

No, you can't speak to "Joe."

You can't speak to him now and you can't speak to him tomorrow, and you can't speak to him in two minutes, either. At no time can you dial this number and reach "Joe," because "Joe" is not here. I've had this phone number for eleven and a half years, and "Joe" has never once been here. You can speak to "Vanessa," and if you have a crystal ball and a little patience I might be able to put you in touch with "Pete," but you cannot, no way, no how, under any circumstances, speak to "Joe."

On second thought, I suppose if you really want me to, I can lower my voice an octave and pretend to be him, but I don't think you'll like what I have to say on his behalf.



Humincat said...

Wow. You are some patient woman. I'd have been pretty rude by that point, or not even answered.

Vanessa said...

If I don't answer, she just keeps endlessly calling and hanging up on the machine. 0_0

My dad was over the last time this happened, and his theory is that this lady's boyfriend/husband gave her a fake number for a "friend's" house so that he could go out with some other woman, only his fake number is actually a real number -- mine. If this is true, I feel bad for her, but I am not here to cover for his cheating ass. LOL

Humincat said...

HA! You should have messed with her! That would have been hilarious. So, has the week been that bad, or that good, that you aren't blogging? Hope all is well.

foxychao said...

Man, that sucks! You should speak to her in Spanish.