Friday, December 14, 2007

Inquiring minds want to know

One of the things I love about having site stats (I use StatCounter), if anyone is interested) is being able to see what sorts of keywords people use to reach this blog. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that a lot of them don't find what they're looking for once they arrive, so I thought I'd try to provide answers to a few recent searches. Here they are:

broccoli potato gratin

Far and away the most common search string, this finally made me feel so guilty for being a Google tease that I put a link to an actual broccoli-potato gratin recipe in that post.

what chaps my hide means

It means that something irritates the living daylights out of you. You may remember it from the old Pace Picante Sauce commercials with the cowboys sitting around the campfire and eating salsa. ("New York City? Git a rope!")

how to know if the shoe fits

I've been told that there should be a thumb's width of space between the end of the shoe and the child's big toe. However, no matter what size G tries on, she always claims to be able to feel me pressing down on the shoe, so it's either a myth or I have freakishly fat mutant thumbs.

gumball machine mechanics

You put the quarter in the slot and turn the little dial thingy, and then the gumball rolls down a sort of chute and fetches up against the metal door. Open that door slowly and be ready to catch, or the gumball will shoot out at maximum escape velocity and end up on the floor, and no one likes that.

schoolgirl miniskirts

Ugh. Sounds like a pervert. If this is you, don't let the door hit you on your way out.

teenage boy bedspreads

I don't have a teenage boy and have never been one, but considering what P's tastes ran to when I first met him (he was 23 at the time, so not too far off), I would recommend something with either a supermodel or a sports team logo on it.

blow to the head and pain at the back of the eye

You are seriously injured. Get off the Internet and head to the nearest emergency room, stat.

santa lantern made out of milk jug

I never even dreamt this was possible, but look! It is, and here's how you can do it.

questions to know more about you

Oh Lord, don't even ask. I'm terrible at small talk.

perfect poop

Perfectionism is such a curse. Stop worrying about trying to produce the perfect poop, and just accept each poop for the unique creation that it is. As I think Shakespeare once said, "This above all, to thine own poop be true." Words to live by. :)

3 comments:

Rob said...

Ah Vanessa,

You really are too funny. Thanks for the chuckles this morning.

Rob

Stephanie said...

I laughed out loud... thank you for picking up my day.

Humincat said...

You had me laughing throughout the whole thing. Thanks.