G and I amuse ourselves with Google Translate:
Your face looks like a monkey's butt
Votre visage ressemble les fesses d'un singe.
A monkey put a banana in my ear.
Un singe a mis une banane dans mon oreille.
I said, "At least I'm smarter than a monkey."
J'ai dit: "Au moins, je suis plus intelligent qu'un singe."
The monkey cried.
Le singe pleuré.
And then flung poo.
Et puis merde jeté.
After we finished giggling over this, G said meditatively, "I think I'll take French in high school." I should probably warn her that high-school French involves lots of useful phrases, like "My aunt's house is yellow" and "Stephanie and Laurent are going to the disco," and little to no mention of butts or poo.