Monday, September 25, 2006

You're not a real mother until ...

... you've been the author of your child's total public mortification.

This afternoon I dragged G out, over her protests ("I don't want any new clothes!") to go shopping. ("Well, you need them, so get in the car!") We were going to one of the huge outdoor shopping centers that are so popular around here -- the kind where you don't just shop, you have an experience -- and I thought I had an enticing offer for her: we'd go in a store, then ride the Ferris wheel, then go in a store, then have ice cream, then go in a store, etc. She wasn't impressed, but she went along.

So, at our third stop, she spotted a pair of black cowgirl boots she loved. We were attempting to read the tags to find her size, but they were all confusingly marked with "2Y" and 3Y" instead of actual sizes. And then we had this exchange:

Me: I don't get it. I would think 3Y meant "three years," but these are way too big for a three-year-old.
G: Maybe it stands for "three 'yeee-haws.'"

It struck me as hysterically funny, as not-that-funny things sometimes do, and I nearly fell backward into a rack of marked-down summer clothes as I tried to contain myself. I was dying of mirth; G was dying of embarrassment. She put her hands over my mouth to stop me making a scene, and when that didn't work, she whipped off the snazzy little Audrey Hepburn-esque neck scarf she was wearing and attempted to tie it around the bottom half of my face. This was even funnier. I was all but on the floor, my stomach aching, my eyes full of tears, while G looked around with a desperate expression that said Oh, please don't let anyone I know be in this store! I'm sure it was just the first of many mother-related humiliations to come.

In other weird kid news, last night G made a large sign that says:

Lost: Giant Carrot

Goes by the name of Philip.

If you find him call [our phone no.]

She drew a big orange carrot on it and stuck it to the wall behind the sofa. I can't look at it without giggling. Philip the Carrot! Hee!

I promise I have not been drinking. It was just a funny weekend.

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