Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving, slightly modified

As I've said before, Thanksgiving is not a holiday with much appeal for me. I don't eat turkey, I hate football (sorry, P, wherever you are), I don't like driving in heavy traffic, and forced socializing is about as much fun as a long, sharp straight pin through my retina. I'm totally down with the idea of doing something to mark the day and celebrate my many blessings; I just think it should be something that I enjoy. So here's my list of Thanksgiving traditions I would like to see catch on:

Side Dish Dinner
Cranberries, green beans, olives, cheese, crackers, potatoes, stuffing, Parker House rolls, three kinds of pie ... and no dead bird.

Jazz Hands
Instead of watching football after dinner, everyone piles into the car and goes to see a huge, splashy Broadway musical. If this isn't possible, I would consider watching televised football if the players were required to sing about it every time they made a touchdown.

Far Apart, Together
The whole family meets up on Facebook and IMs about what they're cooking and how big the kids are getting. All the interaction without the need to get dressed and drive for miles, plus if someone irritates you, you can just make yourself invisible.

Reading is Fundamental
Everyone brings the book of his or her choice to Thanksgiving dinner and reads it at the table while eating. Bonus points if you read something with a Puritan flair, like The Crucible or The Scarlet Letter.

The Witching Hour
Thanksgiving merges with my favorite holiday, Halloween. Dinner is served at midnight on a black-draped table lined with candelabras while live ravens watch from cobweb-hung perches on the walls. When it's your turn to say what you're thankful for, you have to hold a flashlight under your chin and speak in a sepulchral Vincent Price voice.

Sadly, I doubt we'll see any of these refreshing changes anytime soon. People are so set in their ways. But if I take over the world ... look out!


MomToAp said...

I would totally adopt the Jazz Hands tradition.. even in a modified watch the broadway musical at home variety.. Best yet.. my guys wouldn't argue with me.. They have no interest in football games ( unless its Steelers in the superbowl) and love Broadway.

Widow in the Middle said...

Very cute and funny ideas. Thank you for making me smile and laugh!

Jen said...

The Witching Hour! Love it. Jazz Hands a close second.