Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Say cheese, dammit

Universal truths about school photos:

1. Your child will unearth the most outgrown, stained or otherwise inappropriate piece of clothing he or she owns, and insist on wearing that.

2. Attempts to convince the child that another outfit would be better will lead to crying, lying on the floor, and ridiculous statements such as "I want to wear both of the blue skirts!"

3. Pieces of clothing that are normally among the child's favorites will be rejected in a fit of pique.

4. The child will announce "I don't want to smile with my teeth showing. I'm going to smile like this," and display an expression that makes him or her look like a large trout*.

5. If at all possible, the school will schedule the photo-taking to happen after lunch, allowing your child to spill food all over his or her face and clothing first.** If the afternoon isn't available, they will at least postpone the photos until after morning recess to maximize opportunities for the child to get dirty, sweaty and windblown.

6. Luckily, you have the most beautiful child in the world and he or she will still look adorable when the photos come back six weeks later. But you'll be exhausted.

* P would never smile in pictures either. I have many shots of him looking ready to do serious bodily harm to the photographer. It was a shame, as he had perfect teeth and a really lovely smile.

**In G's first-grade picture, there's peanut butter all over her face from the sandwich she ate for lunch.


writermeeg said...

I still have nightmares about some of my school photos. The one where the photographer combed my hair forward (why??) and I look like one of the Monkees. The one where my dad trimmed my bangs on my insistence the night before and they are totally crooked. The one where I snuck on pasty pink lip gloss around my braced-up teeth and look like an alien. Ah, the memories.

Humincat said...

HAHAHA!! This years fight was over wearing a skirt that had been banned since last year for being too short and hadn't been mentioned since then. Her "compromise" was pairing it with jeans, though the skirt had shorts sewed on the inside!!! Her argument? "Well, nobody would be fighting if you had just cut out the shorts already!!!" I just threw the skirt away and told her to pick something else. I honestly just got family pic's taken and have absolutely no intention of purchasing something without viewing it first anyways. But this one will be in the yearbook, so hopefully she smiled decently....