Sunday, April 20, 2008

Gorilla your dreams

This evening, my dad, G and I ate at Rainforest Café, a.k.a. Worst Restaurant Ever. I've always found Rainforest Café to be overpriced and generally crappy, and I would never go there under normal circumstances, but G had won a certificate for a free kids' meal at school and was determined to use it, so we went.

We got there fairly late, so we ended up being seated at the coveted table next to the animatronic gorillas, and I mean right next to the gorillas, close enough to reach out and touch artificial gorilla fur. This meant that about every 10 minutes, the conversation we were already shouting over the general din would be completely drowned out by Bamba, the lead gorilla, rearing up with a mechanical whirr and going "OOOOOOHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HUH HUH HUH!" On the other side of the restaurant, the elephants would trumpet an answer, and then thunder would boom out and rattle the glasses on our table.

Because I have a weird sense of humor, I started to think it would be very funny to sign up at an Internet dating site, get someone to ask me out, and then insist on being taken to Rainforest Café for dinner. I'd beg the "tour guide" to put us by the gorillas and practically run to the table, telling my erstwhile date, "This is my favorite restaurant!" He'd then have to try to yell those awkward getting-to-know-you questions at me while Bamba and his troop roared and grunted:

"So how do you like being an editor?"
"HUH HUH HUH! OOOOOOOOH HOOOOOO!"
"Pardon?"
"I said how do you like --"
"TRUUUUUUUUMPET! CRASH!"
"Sorry, what?"
"Uh, are you sure you want to eat here? Maybe we could go someplace quieter?"
"Are you kidding? This is great! Look at how lifelike they are!"
"OOOH AAAAHHH!"

Of course, I would never actually do this, because there are a lot of lonely and earnest Internet daters out there who deserve better than to be dragged into my twisted social experiment, but the idea entertained me while I chewed away at my veggie burger. I think at my age, you have to take your amusement where you can find it.

1 comment:

Humincat said...

That was funny. I'm tired, have a headache, haven't eaten yet, but still, you made me laugh out loud. Thanks.